Social Media and the SSM Plebiscite: a how-to guide
Thursday, 10 August 2017
| Megan Powell du Toit
This is how I knew the plebiscite was definitely on: a post in a Facebook group from someone worried about having to deal with all the social media campaigning from Christian friends. I would have liked to say ‘oh no that won’t happen’, except that I had already seen a couple of examples from Christian friends in my newsfeed on Facebook. I know how the person worried about the posts feels. I am already concerned about the campaigning I will be subjected to as a Christian minister: the emails, the posts, the tweets, the messages, all applying some form of spiritual and emotional pressure.
How you handle this public debate will affect your relationships inside and outside the church. It will affect your ability to be heard when you talk about your faith. It will affect how people view the church as a whole. It will affect people in the community for whom this is personal. Many in the public health area have been concerned that a plebiscite will be devastating for young people who are working through their sexuality.[1] Suicide rates are significantly higher among LGBTIQ people. Whatever your opinion about that argument, now that there is a plebiscite it behoves all of us to proceed with the utmost concern for the welfare of those young people. We have a God who shows particular concern for the vulnerable, listening to their cries (Exod. 22:20-22).
I’m not saying we go radio silent. Obviously, this is an important decision, and it will be the topic of public and private conversation for the next month or so. What I am saying, though, is to be thoughtful about what you say, especially publicly. Your friends are watching. Your friends’ friends often see what you post as well. I’ve been reticent about talking about the issue in a public forum, but my silence may not suffice when it is so clearly front and centre on the public agenda. I’m also not advocating that free discussion be repressed. However, most of us will concede that it is wise to think through the best way to communicate. Freedom doesn’t give us licence for foolish or unloving behaviour.
What follows are some of my reflections on how we should conduct ourselves on social media during this time.
Your audience
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
- Romans 12:14-15
I don’t know about you, but my Facebook friend list has people in it who will be directly affected by this decision. There are loving same-sex couples, some with children, who will be hoping to formalise their relationship with marriage. Then add to that the many people who have family members and close friends whom this will affect. For them, this is personal. I can’t put posts up as if this is an abstract argument, detached from the emotions, relationships and lives of people I know.
My Facebook friend list also has Christian friends with widely differing views on this matter. Some are themselves LGBTIQ Christians. Some see no barrier to same sex marriage for Christians. Others may have a personal view that such a marriage isn’t in line with their understanding of scripture, but think that civil same-sex marriage is a different case. Others believe that a traditional view of marriage as between a man and a woman should be upheld in the civil sphere as well. Therefore, I can’t assume that my view is the only Christian one. I am hardly likely to be heard if I suggest that anyone who doesn’t share my view isn’t a ‘true’ Christian.
What about if there isn’t anyone among your social media friends who fits any of the categories I have listed above? You still need to be aware that your posts may be shared without your knowledge. Also, Jesus kept company with all sorts of different people, as He was sent to bring good news to all. So you may need to expand your relationships, if you don’t seem to be connecting with people who are different from yourself.
If you really do want to have a no-holds-barred discussion with trusted people, which sometimes is helpful as we work out our minds on something, social media is not the place. If it feels like an in-house discussion, then keep it in house. If it feels like it should be face-to-face so you can do your utmost to prevent misunderstanding, then do that.
Try this imaginative exercise in empathy: every time you think about posting or commenting on the issue, imagine that one of your readers is someone you love who is hoping to get married to someone of the same gender. You are going to see them tomorrow, and look them in the eye after they have read what you have written. Let this guide both whether you post and what you post.
Your intent
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts.
- Psalm 139:23
Why are you posting or commenting? Are you seeking just to be validated in your own views, or are you genuinely seeking to engage with those who differ from you to both listen to them and be heard by them?
A lot of what we see on social media is preaching to the choir. It might make you feel good, but it often isn’t a constructive contribution to the discussion. One key way to determine your intent is to examine your feelings as you post. If you are experiencing any degree of victorious ‘well take that!’, let me suggest that that post won’t be helpful. Don’t seek to score points, but instead seek to converse. If you are unable to discuss this issue without getting caught up in point scoring, then refrain from public discussion.
Think about the long-term effect of what you say. What do you most want to do? Do you want to win this particular argument, or would you rather ensure you have continuing relationships with people so that you can speak the love of Christ into their lives? Many suggest that same-sex marriage is inevitable. If this is the case, we need to think through how best to respond now. Our actions now will determine how much voice we have in the future.
As a final action before posting or commenting, please pray. Not the quick prayer of someone wanting God to rubber stamp what they do, but a humble prayer asking God to speak to you about what you are doing, and to lead you into the best course of action.
Your content
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
- Colossians 4:6
If you are taking this seriously enough to bother commenting on the issue, then be serious about what you post. Treat this as if it is an academic assignment in which you will need to be able to support what you say, and show a balanced consideration.
This should go without saying, but avoid cheap shots. Memes are probably not a good idea. Pictures are open to misinterpretation. Check your sources. Stick to reputable, balanced articles. Don’t use any words that insult or demonise those who think differently from you. Don’t share anything that does this. Be careful not to act as a mind-reader, imputing bad motives to others.
Read other points of view, not to fuel your outrage, but to seek to understand. Consider posting content from someone who differs from you if you think they have made some good points. You can state that you don’t agree with everything, but point out what you found helpful.
Your manner
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
- Proverbs 16:24
Some people are naturally gentle communicators. Others are more blunt or forceful. You probably already have some clue as to where you fall on the spectrum. If you aren’t sure, ask some friends you know will be honest with you. Proverbs has good advice in this area, urging us to have gentle tongues, soft answers, judicious speech and gracious words (Proverbs 15-16).
If you have any issues with how you communicate, tread carefully. Re-read posts and comments before posting. Give yourself thinking time. Ask someone who is more gentle than yourself to check your wording. Be ready with an apology if you have misspoken, or been misunderstood. Be patient with clarifying your meaning.
Take responsibility for comments and discussion on your own posts. Delete aggressive or offensive comments. Mediate between people. Don’t just ‘like’ comments you agree with: ‘like’ comments that are helpful additions to the discussion. If there seems to be a disagreement between yourself and another person that is starting to get out of hand, sort it out privately in some manner, as per the advice in Matthew 18.
Your vote
He has told you, O mortal, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?
- Micah 6:8
I haven’t discussed how you should vote, as that wasn’t my purpose with this piece. But here are some brief comments. You should vote with good conscience, according to your conviction about what will most honour God. For me, good conscience always involves humbly informing myself about the different issues and principles involved. I’m thinking through how a just and merciful God would have me vote. And, when the outcome is known, whether it went your way or not, let your response be gracious. For whatever the outcome, we will all need to negotiate that as a society, together.
Go in grace. I’m praying for us.
Megan Powell du Toit is an ordained Baptist minister, Publications and Policies Administrator for the Australian College of Theology and editor of the academic journal Colloquium. She is currently writing a doctoral thesis on how we respond to tensions within evangelicalism.