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Supplication of a Sometime Believer

Thursday, 20 April 2023  | Jordan Rastrick

God, give me doubt

Doubt, to pierce my too small image of you

To overcome the certainties with which I would fence you

To remember that my knowledge of you can't outpace my love for you

To let go of the half-truths that had defined us

To let go of you as I had once known you


God, give me faith

Faith, to be drawn to something on the other side of doubt

To seek you when there is no trace of you

To love you when there is no love in me

To cry out in despair to you

In despair of you

To dwell with the broken pieces of how I had imagined you

To scream and rage and weep at the absence of you

The distortions and mutations of you

Let the obscenities and curses and imperfections

Drip out of me, uselessly


God, give me awe

Awe of you and all your works

That I might fall flat on the ground before it

Give it to me

In a leaf

In a mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam

In a book of ideas

In a smile, for an instant

Give me awe

That my heart might be shattered

That my image of you

Might be just one iota bigger

Than it had been


Jordan Rastrick is a software engineer and occasionally a poet. He lives in Erskineville with a flatmate and a shy cat. He writes at


Image credit: ‘Hold Out Till The Last Light’ by Billy Pasco on Unsplash.

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